It’s been a few weeks, and I’m overwhelmed by how much I want to tell you. I’m writing this on a train from Boston to New York—lately it seems like I’m always on the move, and it doesn’t look like I’ll be free from that lifestyle anytime soon. I don’t have much to report from Boston, other than that Seaport has somehow gentrified to the point now that it most closely resembles an outdoor shopping mall (Westfield Century City, to be super precise). I did, however, devour a giant bowl of udon at Yume Ga Arukara’s second location, which opened a few months ago. The hot niku udon was excellent, with bouncy noodles and broth that was so delicate and yet had a kick to it. I lined up outside at 6:15 p.m. on Friday by myself and was seated by 6:35 p.m. A relief, given that I was underdressed for the weather. (I shouldn’t be trusted to dress myself under these unpredictable conditions.)
The weather has been giving me whiplash, and I spent this past week cold and with a cold after a weirdly warm weekend during which I ran myself ragged trying to soak up all of the sunshine. Frequent OMB guest Lauren was visiting New York, so of course I had to show her a good time!
Getting into Monkey Bar was a great source of stress for me in the days leading up to Lauren’s arrival. Two weeks prior, Lauren and I resigned ourselves to eating at 2:30 p.m.—an absolutely diabolical dining time, and the only reservation that was left on the day that we wanted. Week of, I had to schedule a last minute doctor’s appointment (inconveniently) at that exact time, but also (conveniently) in the same area. So, I cancelled the reservation and decided we would try our luck at the bar.
On a weekday afternoon, getting a spot at the bar was no problem at all. And, my worries assuaged, I felt like a corporate baddie as I sipped my iced tea and responded to messages on my phone while I waited for Lauren. And as soon as she arrived, we had a plan: truffle monkey bread, smoked whitefish Caesar and a double cheeseburger cut in half to share, plus fries.
You’ve read the subtitle already, so you know what’s about to happen. But, the lunch started off strong: the monkey bread, sticky and sweet, was luxurious with a generous shaving of parmesan and truffle on top. Slathered with a generous helping of the sweet and creamy truffle butter, and it was almost too much… But the operative word is “almost,” because it wasn’t too much in the moment, and we all deserve to overload our taste buds every once in a while.
We also had the smoked whitefish Caesar salad, and though it wasn’t the worst part of the meal, it was a harbinger of what was to come. I’ve been splitting lots of Caesar salads and burgers lately—Lauren and I actually had a pretty similar meal at Horses last November, and that endive Caesar set a high bar. Monkey Bar’s take on the Caesar salad was just fine. It was heavily fishy—like I think Caesar salads should be—with the best shape of parmesan shavings. (Yes, the shape matters.) But, it was a one-note dish, and I rapidly lost interest as we reached the bottom of the lettuce pile. I actually didn’t remember that the salad had potato chips in it until I referenced the menu to write this. So, while it was an interesting addition to the salad in theory, it didn’t actually make an impact on the eating experience.
And then, finally, we got to the burger. Monkey Bar is run by the same team as 4 Charles, which apparently has one of the best burgers in the city. I don’t think the two burgers are supposed to be the exact same, but nonetheless, I had high expectations going in. I feel like photos usually play a very small part in this newsletter, but I think the picture I have of this burger cross section speaks volumes:
Weeks later, I’m still speechless. I mean, honestly, WTF! That’s a diabolical bun to rest-of-burger ratio. And yeah, it was just about as good as the photo looks, which is not that good at all. The bun was dry and overwhelming, and the filling of two beef patties, pickles, onions, dijonnaise, and American cheddar cheese did not make up for it. It was, for how much dijonaise was in the burger, quite dry as well. The pickles and onions could have done the majority of the heavy lifting, but weirdly, they came off as quite bland as well. Overall, I blame the bread—if the bun had been a bit more proportionally cut, perhaps the balance of the burger would have been more palatable, but I was thoroughly unimpressed.


I don’t even want to talk about the fries. Lauren thought they were over-salted, while I thought they tasted like absolutely nothing. We each had one and decided we had enough—whatever the problem was, there was something deeply wrong with the fries.
I feel a little bad being so mean about this. Usually, if I don’t like a restaurant, I just won’t write about it. But something tells me that Monkey Bar can take the heat, especially from little ol’ me. And, it being such a buzzy restaurant, I needed to speak my truth. Monkey Bar is not worth the hype. But, despite it all, I would go back again to try some other dishes and a few martinis… As of now, I’m willing to believe that they were just having a very bad day.
And it’s with that attitude, and the lovely company of Lauren, that made that dining experience not bad at all. The interior of the restaurant was beautiful, if not a bit threatening with all those monkeys painted on the walls. (There’s a White Lotus reference in there somewhere.) And Lauren and I had so much to catch up on. Long distance friendships are hard! So, I proved my theory correct: dining out is really all about the company you keep… the food is just part of the background.
Oh, and I took Lauren to Cozy Royale. So we at least had one good burger!
Bite It!
Monkey Bar releases reservations on Resy 21 days in advance at 9 a.m. A dinner reservation is quite hard to book, but based on my experience the quality at lunch is a bit of a dice roll. So, good luck! (And if it’s just you and one other person, I’d suggest trying the bar.)